Washed Weekly: Weed Gummies & 28 Hours in an Airport
Getting out with the lads.
Welcome to Washed Weekly — a weekly newsletter that will feature original columns, quick reads, exclusive product drops, and an offering of some of the best content we’ve created throughout the week that was. Read it, enjoy it, and pass it on to anyone you think will enjoy it, too. You can also check out the Washed network of podcasts.
What I’m Cooking, Drinking, And Watching This Weekend
by Dave
What I’m Cooking
I’ve been meaning to discuss this with you. Two Sundays ago, out of sheer boredom, I went and picked up two packs of chicken wings. It had been too long. Up until that day, the cover on my grill had maybe come off one time. I keep it simple when it comes to wings. Air fryer some days, pellet grill on others. I don’t have a preference. I sauce them up pretty good and give a good scorching under the broiler either way. Anyway, I’ll stop burying the lede.
I ate 22 wings that day.
Look, they were really good, and I didn’t really have much going on. I just kept putting wings into my mouth and chewing. I’m telling you all of this, so you understand that I’m back. Burn the citronella and hand me a cold light beer because I’m in the backyard with my hands on my hips wondering how far I can go on a quarter tank of apple blend pellets. This week’s agenda: bone-in whole beef dino ribs. Let’s ride.
What I’m Drinking
The forecast has presented me with one opportunity to get out with the lads. Our business development guy, known to many as Brett, is doing his birthday at the Mean-Eyed Cat bar. It’s a good spot that’s welcoming to all ages. Great for me. I’m 40. I also like the fact that it’s a beer bar. You can get a cocktail, but it lends itself to a Lonestar. I should be able to have between 5 and 7 before having to turn down a shot of grain alcohol from one of Brett’s hockey buddies which will lead to my Irish goodbye. Looking forward to it!
What I’m Watching
Obviously, I’ll be watching a game 6 in Edmonton as the Stars pull their heads out of their asses and work there way back into this series. That’s definitely what I’ll be watching. Get it to game 7 and Pete Deboer does not lose. He’s literally undefeated. There’s a path for this. But other than that? I need to hit the theatre for the new Mission Impossible. I watch them all because I respect the craft, and they’re great to experience in theatres. Real cinema head stuff. It very well might suck, but Tom and co have earned the right to prove that “The Entity” is not a shitty villain and MI:7 was just an anomaly.
I Just Spent 28 Straight Hours in an Airport
by
It began at 3:30 a.m. on Tuesday.
After waking up numerous times throughout the night to make sure I didn’t sleep through my alarm (as I do before any early flight), I saw something concerning: our 7:20 a.m. flight had been delayed.
“Well, at least I can get some extra sleep,” I thought to myself. But upon realizing that our flight was delayed until 4:20 in the afternoon, things began to crumble.
“Should we try to get on a different flight? Did the storm last night stop literally every flight from coming in? Can we get on standby somehow?” Every single thought ran through our heads before deciding to fall back asleep for an hour and see where the chips fell. Unfortunately, the chips all fell off the table and rolled into a sewer.
Hour Zero
We left for our Delta flight at the Austin airport at 4:40 p.m. after another delay. Not only was the afternoon in New York City ruined, but we now faced getting to our Manhattan hotel near midnight — a clear waste of money when we had to fly out early afternoon the next day.
Another delay.
Another delay.
And finally, we’re boarding. At 8:20 p.m.
Hour 4
At this point in the day, we had abandoned all hope of making anything fun out of a business trip. “Let’s just get to the hotel, pass out, wake up, get the work done, and fly back out,” I said. “At least we can stay at the TWA Hotel at JFK — people say it’s pretty cool.” Grasping at straws to make something out of nothing. A last ditch effort to salvage my sanity after being told I’d be charged for my original hotel after trying to cancel too late in the game.
Did the extra Biscoff cookies and snack mix help matters once we finally boarded? Of course. While I would’ve preferred a drink ticket to make up for the delays as well, the staff clearly knew what they were up against: a bunch of angry people trying to get to New York City 13 hours after they were originally supposed to take off. The flight attendants understood the assignment and did their best to make sure a revolt never happened.
Hour 9
If you’re ever checking into a hotel at 1 o’clock in the morning, it means one of three things:
Your travel day went awry.
A natural disaster rendered your house unlivable.
You’ve got a prostitute with you.
Obviously (and thankfully), I was the first.
The TWA Hotel at JFK airport is admittedly very cool — like going back in time to an era when you could smoke on airplanes. But there’s still something depressing about sleeping at an airport just to go back to the airport in the morning. As I shut my eyes at 2 a.m. with meditation music playing in one AirPod, it at least felt good to not be on a plane or in a terminal.
Hour 14
The theme song from The Great British Baking Show woke me up at 6:20 a.m. as that is the alarm I use for everything. The shoot we were doing with JetBlue began promptly at 9 a.m. in Terminal 4, so I wanted to freebase some coffee grounds and get some work done.
After my second iced americano of the day, I was ready to fight a Delta employee. Literally any Delta employee. And at this point, I didn’t even need to fight them. Just stretching out the collar of their shirt in a shoving match would’ve been enough. Needless to say, meeting up with the JetBlue team was a breath of fresh air. At that point in the trip, meeting up with any non-Delta airline employee was a sight for sore eyes.
As the shoot began winding down, we got an untimely alert — “Your 1:30 p.m. flight is now taking off at 2:30 p.m.” But you could feel the odds stacking against us already.
Hour 20
“Since they just delayed us again, want to go eat in the Delta lounge?”
The Moroccan chicken tasted Michelin-star. The fountain ginger ale hit like crack. The tides felt like they were turning. Until they weren’t.
“FUCK!” I heard from across the table. “They delayed us again.”
I didn’t count the total number of delays we’d encountered on this trip in real-time, but we hovered around ten at this point. We had abandoned the idea of seeing our sons upon returning. We knew more delays were in the pipeline as a storm barreled toward Austin, our final destination. Spirits were low, and our expectations for Delta got even lower.
Hour 22
“We were ready to board but it looks like the plane is having a maintenance issue we’re taking a look at. We’ll keep you posted with any updates.”
Hour 23
“Maintenance is still working but we’re going to try to get you out of here in a timely manner.”
*extreme George Costanza voice* SERENITY NOW!
Hour 24
Finally boarding. Everything downloaded on my iPad that I could ever want to watch. Exit row seat. Light at the end of the tunnel.
Using Delta’s free wi-fi (the only saving grace of this airline for me at this point), I began seeing tweets about the aforementioned storm rolling into Austin. As I dove further into the radar, it appeared as though the storm was going to hit South Austin around the same time as our flight was due to land.
Because of course.
Hour 27
While watching The Grateful Dead’s “Closing of Winterland” concert from 12/31/78, the pilot made an announcement that fell on flat (read: noise-cancelled) ears.
“They have to evacuate the air traffic control tower due to high winds, so we’re going to circle the airport until this system passes.” My wife knew better than to disturb me mid-“Around and Around” with that concerning news, but I could still tell something was awry.
Hour 28
After doing about six large circles around the airport, we began to descend. An understandably bumpy landing still felt like salvation for not just my wife and I, but for the entirety of the flight. All we had to do was taxi, grab our bags from the overhead bins, and be on the yellow brick road to home. Until.
“Looks like we have a plane with hail damage where we’re supposed to pull up so it’s going to be a few.”
Fuck. We wait ten minutes.
“We’ve got a new gate, so we’re going to head that way now.”
A collective under-the-breath “YES!” from everyone onboard as we begin creeping forward. Until.
“So a British Airways flight just landed with a medical emergency which means we have to forfeit our gate.”
A single tear rolled down my face as Jerry Garcia dove into the set three opener, “Dark Star.” What did we do to deserve this? Is there anything I can even do? Should I fake a heart attack so we get the medical emergency treatment as well?
When we finally got to a gate, people exited the plane like bats out of hell. Myself included.
While glad this occurred during a work trip and not an actual vacation with our entire family present, I still went to bed last night wondering if I can ever fly Delta again without having a chip on my shoulder. But if any Delta employees want to meet me in the Washed Media parking lot to spar, you know where to find me.
I Dare You to Find a More Insufferable State Politician than this Boner
by
If you’re a regular consumer of Washed Media content, you know we stay on the outermost fringe of politics, usually only covering a story if there’s a comedic angle to it. There are reasons for this.
Though we have opinions, we know they’re not going to align perfectly with everyone who listens to our shows or reads our newsletter. We also like to be a sort of “shut your brain off” escape from the unpleasant bullshit you find in the news every day.
This situation, though, is too egregious for me to stay quiet on. Plus, it hits close to home. I’m not much of a THC user myself (unless of course we’re talking EarlyBird gummies), but it’s impossible not to have a strong opinion on what’s happening in Texas right now.
Meet the Lieutenant Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick, the face of Senate Bill 3 that was just passed by the Texas Legislature. Senate Bill 3 seeks to ban consumable hemp products containing any amount of THC, except for CBD and CBG. Some context: THC in its normal form has always been illegal in Texas. This bill targets all the other THC variations that are available all over the state - Delta 8 and any THC derived from hemp (like EarlyBird), most notably.
There are more than 8,500 retailers currently selling THC products in the state of Texas. All will have to either shut down, clear their shelves of all THC-hemp products, or move out of state once this law goes into effect in September.
Patrick is on a mission to get people on his side, even after the bill has passed. It still awaits final approval from governor Greg Abbott, who has the ability to veto the bill. That is unlikely to happen, however. Patrick’s problem is, despite pushing through a bill that seemingly only he wants to to be written into law, he’s an unlikable, out-of-touch asshat.
Because “the media wasn’t taking this story seriously,” he called a press conference to explain the dangers of these products. Up there with the most punchable face, sounding like a whiny dad lecturing a room full of children.
Jeremy Wallace, a reporter for the Houston Chronicle, asked Patrick what I thought was a pretty sensible question considering the crux of the Lieutenant Governor’s stance against these products is their ease of access to children.
He asked Patrick if there’s a way to still allow “grown adults” to access these products.
Look at his smug face and the way he talks down to a reporter simply doing his job. “What are you, crazy?” Yeah, Dan, he’s crazy for asking you a straightforward question about the controversial bill that you invited him there to lecture about. He then says the reporter’s question was “stupid.” What an asshole.
I’d have opened my mouth and pointed to it after he offered that bag of THC cereal. Oh, and by the way, he cites a story of a 22-year-old getting hit by a train after getting high from THC. Seems like that would be a pretty isolated incident that may or may not have anything to do with ingesting THC products. That also seems like a story that would be easily verified.
Interestingly, Grok has never heard of this story.
Let’s also ignore that there are roughly 100,000 alcohol-related deaths in the United States each year, and there were over 54,000 opioid-related deaths in the United States in 2024. Now, let’s ask Google how many THC-related deaths occurred in the U.S. last year.
“There were no deaths from marijuana overdose reported in 2024, according to both the DEA and a 2025 global review. While there has been a rise in emergency room visits related to marijuana edibles, the DEA reports no deaths have been attributed to cannabis consumption. The lethal dose of THC is extremely high, making an overdose on cannabis nearly impossible.”
It’s almost like Dan Patrick is taking money from alcohol and pharmaceutical lobbyists in order to push through legislation that A) nobody wants, B) benefits his bank account, C) isn’t serving the purpose that he’s claiming, and D) will crush a multi-billion dollar industry in his state.
“And come September, all this will be illegal anyway.”
Then why are you pleading for support from the media? Fucking dork.
How you can support Washed Media:
Shop the Washed Media store
Subscribe to podcasts in the Washed Media network
Subscribe to our Patreon episodes via Spotify
Follow Washed on Instagram
Or, just subscribe here:
Dan Patrick, Lieutenant Dork of Texas