Washed Weekly: One-Man Euro Trip & The Turbo Guinness

"Het is moeilijk te zeggen."

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Embrace The Turbo Guinness

by

Will deFries

A pint of plain. Irish champagne. Black custard. Guinness goes by many a name, but my favorite way of referring to them is simply, “A pint with the lads.”

Now I’ve been appropriating British culture for years now. What started with coffee table books from my childhood filled with English gardens blossomed into a love for Premier League football. My affinity for Ruud Van Nistelrooy only faded when young gun Wayne Rooney took over at the 2004 Euros while I was on a high school trip to France and Spain. Once you sprinkle in some Oasis and the 2003 romantic comedy Love Actually, well, I might as well have moved across the pond.

It was only a matter of time until I started drinking Guinness at a rapid clip. And once I realized I was allergic to something in IPAs around 2014, well, Guinness became my go-to panic order, my “if they have it on tap order,” and simply my “that’s all I really want to drink order.” What it lacks in flash and flare, it makes up for in consistency and a lack of any hangover for me.

It wasn’t until this past week that the entire game match changed. Enter: The Turbo Guinness.

It’s quite simple, really. A pint of Guinness and a shot of espresso. Being that Guinness already has notes of coffee, malts, cherry, and raisin, I’m actually surprised this was the first time I’d seen something like this done.

For years now, the espresso martini has reined supreme when it comes to charged-up caffeinated cocktails. While others have attempted to take the crown, even the mighty carajillo has been no match for them. But as of this week, the entire landscape of getting cross-faded on 4.2% and caffeine will never be the same.

While I know mixing caffeine and alcohol will never be good for my heart, that’s never actually stopped me. I had a Four Loko (original recipe) phase. I drank Redbull-vodkas until they bucked me one fateful weekend. And sure, I’ve enjoyed a few Baileys and coffee on a cold Christmas morning. But never until now have I been so positive that a drink will find itself in my rotation as much as the Turbo Guinness.

Will these be abused? Sure. Will I regret drinking four of them at Kelly’s Irish Pub while watching a rugby match that I have no business being at a bar at 8 a.m. for? Of course. But that still won’t stop me from entering a pub, surveying the scene for a Guinness tap, and asking the waiter if they’ve got an espresso machine.

Gone are the sugary beasts that have graced group dinners since 2019. Farewell to the disgusting replacement that they’re now calling Four Loko. And not to sound too much like Toto Wolff, but Redbull simply needs to go (especially when mixed with vodka).

Turbo Guinness, I’m not sure if I love you yet. But I’ll be damned if I don’t find out soon.

Editor’s Note: I decided to write about Turbo Guinness before I realized my friend and partner, Dave, wrote about them briefly below. The wildfire is already spreading, lads.

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Now Live: Washed Holiday Sweaters

Our holiday sweaters (well, sweatshirts) are officially live in the Washed Shop. While we’ll be adding more between now and Thanksgiving, now is probably a good time to get one while the getting is good. I mean, who else is doing Pants Milk sweaters?

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What I’m Cooking, Drinking, And Watching This Weekend

by Dave

What I’m Cooking

Now that I’m no longer allowing the climate to dictate my seasons, my household has moved firmly into our crockpot era. For many, it’s a year-round appliance, but that is not the case for us. For one, the meals lend themselves to cold weather. That part is obvious. More importantly, the crockpot requires a significant amount of real estate in the kitchen. With our setup, it’s either the Vitamix or the crockpot, and smoothies are going to win that battle every time. 

This will be the weekend I rummage through a few boxes in the garage and finally break it out. It’s time to feed. There’s a shredded beef Italian sliders recipe that’s hot in the streets, and I think it’s time to take the family back to the old country. They love crockpot sliders in Tuscany. And on that note…

I made Dave’s world famous meatballs last weekend, and in the interest of not losing recipes, here’s a good starting point for my proprietary method. I like to hit mine with a little bit of this or that, and just a touch of the good stuff, before baking, but that’s just me. 

What I’m Drinking

Well, it is with a heavy heart that I am announcing that Sunday will mark the last time I order a drink from Icenhauer’s on Rainey St. in Austin, Texas. The bar that has hosted multiple Washed Media listener meet ups and provided some of my best Sunday afternoon drinking exploits is shutting its doors. Mike Icenhauer has been a friend of the company since its inception, so I plan on attending the farewell party for one last ride. I’m old enough to remember when Rainey was just Icenhauer’s and Lustre Pearl situated in the middle of a bunch of old houses. Those were the days, man. That street has changed a lot, but Icenhauer’s has maintained its status as my go-to spot down there. 

Now I’d like to discuss what I’d like to hypothetically drink this weekend. You guys seen the Turbo Guinness? A shot of espresso poured in a Guinness. Revolutionary.

I’m not a kid anymore, and I certainly don’t have a bachelor party this weekend, but this feels like it’s about to be a major player in the zeitgeist, and I want it. If you think I’m too scared to pull up to Starbucks with a freshly poured Guinness and ask for a shot of espresso, then you would be correct. But someone should do it. We might have the official drink of 2025 right here. 

What I’m Watching

Landman. I watched episode one last night, and I reckon I’ll give the entire season a shot. Life is tough in The Patch, but sometimes the reward is worth the risk. As a former landman myself, my only criticism is that Billy Bob’s high school-aged daughter and her heartthrob fuckboy boyfriend both appear to be firmly in their mid-twenties. Also, the fact that my man is a highly coveted recruit committed to Alabama yet somehow doesn’t know that Nick Saban has retired is hilarious. Maybe in a future episode we find out he’s full of shit, but I think we’re supposed to believe that this kid is just a total moron. Either way, we expect the most from Taylor Sheridan. He wrote Sicario, dammit. 

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What I’m Looking Forward to on My Work Trip to Amsterdam and Madrid

by

Dillon Cheverere

My second trip to Europe will take place from December 9 to December 15. I’ll be in Amsterdam for the first three days and Madrid for the latter half of the trip. 

The fine folks at Heineken, my new favorite beer company, are flying me out (thanks to Dave for not being able to go) to tour the Heineken facility, take in the sights, and hit literally every pub in the city, then Madrid to take in the Global Finals of the Player 0.0 simulated driver competition. Do I get to meet Max Verstappen, who will be in attendance? Het is moeilijk te zeggen. That’s Dutch for “it hard to say.” 

It looks like both Real Madrid and Atlético Madrid won’t be playing in town while I’m there so I can’t see a soccer match, unfortunately. Plenty of other stuff to do, though. Here’s what I’m most looking forward to: 

VIP Heineken Experience

I get to experience a tour of the Heineken brewery, VIP style. Not sure what all that entails but I really hope there’s a lanyard included. And though this trip is about Heineken 0.0, their non-alcoholic option, I’ll see if they have any original Heinies laying around for a player. 

Walk Past the Red Light District

I want to be clear that I will not be partaking in any of the nefarious indulgences that the Red Light District has to offer, but like, yeah, I’m curious to see what it’s like there. Window shopping minus the shopping part. Just gonna whistle right past with my hands in my pockets while minding my own business. 

One-Man Pub Crawl

Europe does pubs a million times better than we do here in the U.S. A solo pub crawl in a foreign country sounds like a hell of a time. There won’t be a brown ale in Amsterdam I won’t try. Will there be a soccer match going on while I’m there? I hope so. I need the pubs in a full Euro swing. 

Cannabis Coffee Shops

The legalization of pot in many cities across the U.S. takes some of the novelty out of these famous shops in Amsterdam, but I still have to see what they’re all about. Might get crazy and cop some hagelslag or poffertjes while I’m there. Not sure. 

Ask Strangers to Take My Pic

My Dutch honestly sucks real bad so it will be nice that English is spoken by most people in The Netherlands and Spain. I’ll be asking every John, Dick, and Harry on the streets to snap solo pics of me. Amsterdam is crazy photogenic.

Anne Frank House?

There’s a question mark because I need someone to tell me if this is worth the little time I’ll have in Amsterdam. Please advise.

Lastly, I need all the Madrid recs because I’m not sure how to spend my free time there. Muchas gracias.

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