Washed Weekly: My Absolute Boys
You don't know ball.
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Three Songs That Will Make You Miss Your Absolute Boys
by
A friend once told me, “The best way to make an apartment feel clean is by simply cleaning up the coffee table.” Of course, the “apartment” he was referring to was in a college town and was likely littered with empty beer cans and quarters from the night before. And that very coffee table was the bonfire we’d rally around night after night when we were together.
As you trudge through your 30s, the hangovers go from one day to two. The nights out on the weekends go from three to zero. The times you get to see your old friends range simply from bachelor parties to weddings to couples trips that took months of planning.
In a moment of showing some weakness to my mother, she once told me, “You just need to get used to losing friends. It’s one of the hardest parts about getting older.” While I don’t feel like I’ve lost any friends, you do have those moments when you look back at The Good Times and simply miss them. It’s normal, it’s cathartic, and it’s—more than anything—inevitable.
I have very few people in my life who I ask for music recommendations from. Simply put, I don’t want someone to recommend me an artist if they don’t already know my musical tastes. The other night, I crafted a text that simply read like this: “Do I need to listen to more Bob Dylan? If so, where do I start?” I was steered in the direction of his album “The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan” and it changed the entire trajectory of my night — and it was all because of the song “Bob Dylan’s Dream” which I had never heard before.
The feelings it trudged up made me start to recount certain songs that made me miss my absolute booooys. These were the best three I could come up with.
“Bob Dylan’s Dream” by Bob Dylan
With half-damp eyes, I stared to the room
Where my friends and I spent many an afternoon
Where we together weathered many a storm
Laughin' and singin' till the early hours of the morn
By the old wooden stove our hats was hung
Our words was told, our songs was sung
Where we longed for nothin' and were satisfied
Jokin' and talkin' about the world outside
With hungry hearts through the heat and cold
We never much thought we could get very old
We thought we could sit forever in fun
And our chances really was a million to one
Sometimes you hear a song and just know it’s going to ruin you from that point forward into eternity. This was one of those songs. My brain honed in on pretty much every situation it could’ve, from college dorms to kitchens we’d linger in until 2 am at the age of 25. I mean, everyone always told me Bob Dylan was a GOATed lyricist, but to have me welling up in bed randomly on a Wednesday night was not what I signed up for. I nearly flew to my hometown after he said, “I wish, I wish, I wish in vain, that we could sit simply in that room again.”
“All My Friends” by LCD Soundsystem
And if the sun comes up, if the sun comes up, if the sun comes up
And I still don't wanna stagger home
Then it's the memory of our betters
That are keeping us on our feet
You spent the first five years trying to get with the plan
And the next five years trying to be with your friends again
You're talking 45 turns just as fast as you can
Yeah, I know it gets tired, but it's better when we pretend
The song for the times when you just want to get absolutely shattered with your absolute boys but can’t. I don’t think I’m alone in having this as one of my all-time favorite songs, especially given how much I leaned into The Strokes-adjacent bands in the early 2000s. “Meet Me In The Bathroom” documentary-style stuff, you get it.
I knew this song was a problem when I found myself not just listening to it when I missed people, but even just driving home the next morning after a party that went too deep.
“If I could see all my friends tonight,” indeed.
“My Darlin’ Hometown” by John Prine
With the evening sun sittin'
On the top of the hill
And the mockingbird answering
The old chapel bell
Far away over the sea
My heart is longing to be
And I wish I could lay myself down
In the arms of my darlin' hometown
I first discovered John Prine when my sister left a burned CD of his in the 1995 Subaru Legacy that we shared in high school. I had no idea what to expect — it was a blank CD, I wasn’t into folk music at all, and I figured it was just a throwaway CD that she had gotten from someone at summer camp.
But yeah, it splintered me in ways I never imagined after the first listen. While “My Darlin’ Hometown” doesn’t directly reference anyone’s absolute boys, it does set the scene of putting you in a place where everyone’s face is familiar which, for me, is nearly the same thing. I guess that’s how the cookie crumbles when you’re from a town of less than 2,000 people.
Do I recommend buying a bottle of mid-range whiskey and listening to these three songs? No, probably not. But at the very least, go check in on your absolute boys.
Editor’s Note: If you have any songs I need to add to this list, I’m thirsty for them. Drop a comment below and I’ll assemble a full playlist if the mutual thirst is there.
New Crewnecks in the Washed Shop
New Washed Mascot crewnecks in the shop just in time for chilly tailgate season? Uh, h’yeah.
What I’m Cooking, Drinking, And Watching This Weekend
by Dave
What I’m Cooking
Shoutout to EveryPlate for the surprise box of meals that showed up yesterday. Yes, they’re a sponsor, and yes, my plan for this section completely pivoted when I arrived home yesterday to a meal box sitting on my front porch. I completely missed our ad guy, Brett, saying that they were back in the mix. Full disclosure: they sent pork bowl ingredients plus two chicken dishes that I will be absolutely making over the next 72 hours. Here’s a code: 49steam.
I’ll elaborate more below, but the September heat wave we’re in has me less inclined to put work in on the smoker. My allergies are in a blender right now, and I’m scared to step outside. We’re also kicking off season two of tee-ball Saturday morning, so any heavy meat prep (real smokers know) will be relegated to Friday night. Honestly, not a bad way to spend an evening with K State-Arizona in the background. What sounds good? It’s feeling like head over to the meat market and see what catches my eye. Rumor has it that my guy’s got some fajita skirt sausage with jalapeno in stock. Who’s ready to tank their Sunday with a wicked case of heartburn? Uhhh, maybe me? There’s not much prep for that other than making the preemptive doctor’s appointment for the inevitable diverticulitis flare-up.
What I’m Drinking
Are you currently experiencing fall? Because we are not. Not even close. We had a two-day fall tease over the weekend, and now it’s back to August in Texas. This little September edge is fairly typical down here, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I had coworkers getting pumpkin pumps into their coffee this week. My son is demanding his Halloween attire already. It’s out of control.
I’m just as guilty. I broke into the bourbon to cap off a college football Saturday night. I jumped the gun on the brown stuff and probably won’t touch it again until Bourbon and Beyond Festival in Louisville. That’s not even an advertisement. That there is the god’s honest truth. I need all the quality sleep and clean livin’ before I leave town to vibe out at Bruce Hornsby on Friday. That being said, I’ll probably keep it light this weekend with a couple random Stripes in the fridge.
What I’m Watching
I don’t care if I have to appear in the office today. My weekend kicked off yesterday at 6:30 p.m. Central, specifically. GJ Kinne and the highly respected Texas State Bobcats hosting a surprising Big 12 stalwart, Arizona State. Fun fact: I wrote this before the game, so I have no idea what happened. But if you know me, you know this is true:
When my team wins the big game it’s good, but when my team doesn’t win the big game? You better look out, buster. I’m a loose cannon.
If you read my entry in last week’s Washed Weekly, you may be wondering if I ended up going down to watch my Bobcats obliterate the hated UTSA Roadrunners. I’m sad to report that I did not. I know, I know. Soft. But I was up against a four-year-old’s birthday party and a teething baby. I was never going to win that battle.
As for the rest of the weekend, I’m keeping my word and starting Industry. Lately, I’ve been wrongfully accused of being a recommendation dismisser, so I’m going to put that to bed once and for all. On paper, the show sounds electric. Drugs, alcohol, and sexual exploits in the finance world. Why wouldn’t I get into this show? Other than that…
Lost. Yep, I’m still manning that post. We’re officially in the part of the show that I imagine the original Lost Heads took issue with. Much of the action is taking place off the island, half the cast is traveling through time, and, uh, it’s kind of bogging down a bit. Crazy thing to say about Lost, I know. I’m still enjoying the show, and I might mess around and finish the final season next week.
When The Algo Is Fire: Breaking Down Game Film
by
To be forthcoming about my unhealthy habits, I’m a bit addicted to my phone. I’m trying to be better, especially when I’m with other people, and double especially when I’m with my son. However, when I lie in bed in the still of the night and my show has ended, catch my face absolutely lit up by the glow of my phone. I acknowledge that it’s a problem but I’m not quite ready to make a change.
As the first episode of “The Perfect Couple” ended last night (strong first episode IMO), and with heavy eyelids and only the dim living room night light peeking through to my bedroom to disrupt the total darkness, I unlocked my phone at 11:00 for one last “let’s see if anything’s popping on the TL” before I’d call it a night and get some much-needed shuteye. It turns out there was absolutely nothing going on that couldn’t wait until tomorrow, just as there is always nothing going on that can’t wait until the morning.
After scrolling past Reels of staged coffee shop singalongs, sidewalk card tricks, and a blonde fielding questions from followers about adequate penis size, I finally settled on something that caught my eye, just as I always do.
A guy named Brooks Austin, better known as “The Film Guy,” was breaking down college football tape in layman’s terms. He’s a former college football player with a passion for watching and breaking down game film and explaining it to dummies like me. And he’s kind of awesome.
My alarm was set for 6:30 and I knew I had to wake up and make my son’s lunch and see to it that he’s getting ready for the day before dropping him off at school, but motherfucker I had game film to watch.
The game he was breaking down: Texas at Michigan. More specifically: Steve Sarkisian’s Texas offense versus Wink Martindale’s Michigan defense. Two great football minds going head to head in the Big House. NFL talent abound, top 10 matchup, defending national champs — the whole nine.
Football is an amazing sport to watch for so many reasons. One of the lesser discussed reasons I love this game so much is, for as much football as I’ve watched in my life, and for as well as I understand the game from the novice’s perspective, there’s still so much of it that’s foreign to me. Call it an inquisitive mind, but I enjoy not knowing everything there is to know about the very complex game, and I want to learn more.
I know what a cover three versus a cover two is, zone versus man, disguising alignments and blitzing schemes, but there’s so much more to it that I, and many of you, don’t realize or fully comprehend.
The only way to have a true, comprehensive understanding of the game is to have played it at a high level, and my middle school (the last time I played football) team stayed in base 4-3 every down of every game, with a rarely used blitz package.
Anyway, my algorithm led me to The Film Guy’s YouTube page, where I found the below 52-plus minute video, wherein he stands in front of a TV and explains what is happening in the game, and he is highly complimentary of my favorite college football team’s head coach and his offense. I was locked in.
I watched all of it. I can’t believe Michigan stayed in cover three the whole game when Quinn was dicing that defense up. Bad idea, brother. Don’t you know that leaves the flats vulnerable? I now understand the game within a game about 2% better than I did yesterday. The only thing it cost me was an hour of sleep. A small price to pay for the next tier of ball knower status, plus the next game I watch with my absolutes, I can hit them with a little ball knowledge.
My algorithm on Instagram is dialed in, whereas Twitter’s algo serves me videos of street fights that turn deadly and pedestrians getting mowed down by runaway vehicles.
I’m the type of guy who likes to learn about sophisticated offensive schemes at 11:00 on a school night.
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O.A.R. - I Feel Home. Tailor-made for hometown pints with the Absolutes