Washed Weekly: Helmets & Lone Stars
"It was the ‘90s, man."
Welcome to Washed Weekly — a weekly newsletter that will feature original columns, quick reads, exclusive product drops, and an offering of some of the best content we’ve created throughout the week that was. Read it, enjoy it, and pass it on to anyone you think will enjoy it, too. You can also check out the Washed network of podcasts.
Pros and Cons of Wearing a Bike Helmet to Work
by
Washed Media has a company-owned electric bike that we acquired a few years ago from a short-run ad deal with a company called Lectric. I am the only one who uses it. I am also the only one who lives close enough to the office to bike in from home. It tops out at about 24 MPH on flat ground.
When I was a kid, I would hop on my bike every day after school and meet up with my friends. We pretended we were in a bike gang called the Dead Rabbits. I don’t remember the origin of that name or what it means, so don’t ask. We’d ride a couple miles to the baseball card store or the Tropical Sno trailer to kill a few hours and spend our lunch money for the week. It was a lot of fun. Kids being kids kind of stuff.
Not one of us ever owned a bike helmet. I actually didn’t know many kids that wore bike helmets, and if you wanted to join our crew, it was an unspoken rule that you couldn’t wear one. Or, truthfully, ever be seen in one. We’d straight up make fun of kids who wore them. I don’t know how many kids I called a “dork” back then but it was 100% of the helmet-wearing ones. Literally one hundred percent of them.
I’m not saying I’m proud of it, but if you understood my childhood mindset, it might help you understand where I’m at today on this topic.
It was the ‘90s, man. We were free and wild. Brain damage wasn’t on our radars. Nor, apparently, was it on my parents’ who never once suggested I protect my brain with a hard, plastic shell as I pedaled fast and hopped curbs and tore through front lawns all through the quiet streets of Northwest Hills in Austin, TX. I was just trying to scoop that Mike Piazza rookie card and a tiger’s blood shaved ice in a 16-ounce styro and call it a day.
And, man, we were living.
Skiing culture was very lax on helmets in the ‘90s, too. I grew up going to Steamboat Springs and Keystone, and a helmet sighting was a rare occurrence back then. No one on the mountain wore a helmet except for one here and there. And I thought they were dorks, too!
They’re everywhere on the mountains now, and I even wear one while skiing these days, though I suppose it’s mostly because I don’t want to hear about it from the people I’m with. How things change.
All this to say I still, at 41 years of age, carry with me the stigma that bike helmets are for dorks. You have to admit it’s impossible to look sick in a bike helmet. It can’t be done. Who’s the coolest mfer on the planet? David Beckham? Michael Jordan? Timothée Chalamet? Even these guys wouldn’t look cool wearing a bike helmet.
The guys in the office give me a lot of shit for biking into work with nothing atop my head but a cap. They make fun and tell me how reckless I am. “Dude, you have a kid. You need to be safer.”
Honestly, it’s sweet. Listen, they care about me and I appreciate them a great deal for it. They want my noggin to be protected. Randy even took it upon himself to Google “cool bike helmets” to show me some examples and get me on board. What a sweet kid. He was obviously unable to find a cool-looking helmet since they’re nonexistent, but the effort was noted.
The in-office campaign to get me to purchase a helmet is ongoing, so I’ve decided to share some pros and cons of wearing one before I ultimately decide on the matter. I’m starting with cons.
Cons:
I’d look like a dork. There’s no getting around this in my mind. I’d be sacrificing some of my plentiful cool points by showing up to work with a bike helmet on.
The guys will make fun of me. Despite succumbing to their well-intentioned pressure and protecting my brain, I’ve built up so much negative brand equity on this topic that they will have no choice but to rub it in my face.
The original members of the Dead Rabbits would blood-out me from the gang if they were to find out.
Pros:
I’d have a much greater chance of avoiding significant brain damage or even death if I were to get smoked by a car while on the bike, and I’d get to see my son grow up.
Help me decide!
What I’m Cooking, Drinking, And Watching This Weekend
by Dave
What I’m Cooking
It’s not every day you walk into the office and find a care package from Texas Roadhouse sitting there. Yes, THE Texas Roadhouse. Nice way to start your Thursday. I won’t tell you everything they sent us, but I must disclose that I am now the proud owner of Texas Roadhouse Rib Seasoning. I’ve never ordered ribs there because I rarely order them at a traditional sit-down restaurant. It’s a personal choice. Please respect it.
Now, you can probably guess what this means for the Ruff household this weekend. Pork ribs served Dave style. Spring is back in central Texas, and that means it’s time to grab the shop vac and get this smoker back into game shape. I fully acknowledge that ribs are fairly simple, but they’re kind of my specialty at this point. Go with what you know. That’s something I’ve been saying for years. Let’s smoke these meats.
What I’m Drinking
What pairs better with a rack of ribs than three Lonestar tall boys that have been sitting in my fridge for a week? Nothing. So that will be the move. If I’m still awake Saturday evening after taking down no less than six ribs with a belly full of a legendary Texas beer, I’ve got a bottle of La Pulga Añejo that’s been hitting all the right notes lately. My most recent bourbon phase ended much quicker than expected, but I guess that is what a crippling headache after what I viewed as a perfectly reasonable Turkey-rocks session will do to you. Live and learn! Been saying it for years.
What I’m Watching
My watchlist watch list is as follows:
Full Swing- I’m three deep and enjoying it. I haven’t seen anything groundbreaking, but the recap of the 2024 season is helpful as I lean all the way into golf this year since my favorite basketball team decided to voluntarily jump into a woodchipper.
Severance- Truthfully, I’d love to get caught up this weekend. I’m three deep and well aware that I’ve got a real doozy of an episode awaiting me. So far, pretty good! Wish I’d done a season one re-watch, but I have no regrets.
1923- This is the least likely to happen. I thought season one was fine. I need the first episode to be a real banger to keep my interested in the franchise. You’re on notice, Sheridan.
Remember, a watch just means that conditions are favorable for me turning on these shows. All, some or none may happen. There’s always a chance a wildcard emerges to completely torpedo these shows. Think like a random Madmen, Breaking Bad or Sopranos episode.
My warning watch list is as follows:
White Lotus- I have no notes or complaints. I’m enjoying this season and will definitely arrange my Sunday night around it. Remember, a warning means it is definitely going down. It’s been spotted. Take cover.
Playlist: ‘Contemporary Reggae’ Season Has Begun
by
It’s currently 74 degrees outside on March 6th while I sit at my desk. You can feel the molecules in my body thirsting for a covered patio, a plate of ceviche, and about a hundred beers with limes shoved in them. You think I’m being grandiose but I just checked our office fridge for literally any crisp light lager and came up empty.
Porches. Windows-down car rides. In the headies at your desk. If you want to get taken on a free tropical vacation courtesy of Big deFreezy, simply click the playlist above and save it to your Spotify library. Go ahead, do it. Do it.
During the summer of 2012, my friends and I fell into a vibe that I was reminded of just this past Tuesday. We began listening to what can only be described as ‘Contemporary Reggae’ and the above playlist features music from islands near and far. It was potentially the most relaxed summer of my life, particularly those hungover Sunday afternoons.
Years ago while living in Michigan, I wouldn’t just bust this playlist out during our first sunny day in May. If anything, it was a tunnel I could time travel through back to summertime — a true Sunday Scaries ‘Mentally I’m here’ moment. And for everyone in New York City where it’s a high of about 50 degrees today, well, you know what to do. You’ll see that sunshine roll through soon enough.
Whatever you’re getting into, do me one little favor — ask yourself, “Could this use a sprinkle of Contemporary Reggae?” I think we both know the answer.
Have a weekend, everyone.
How you can support Washed Media:
Shop the Washed Media store
Subscribe to podcasts in the Washed Media network
Subscribe to our Patreon episodes via Spotify
Follow Washed on Instagram
Or, just subscribe here:
Dillon put on a helmet. On the pod this week you and Will were just talking about how many people in Austin run red lights. Protect that dome player.
If y’all’s office was located anywhere else I would agree helmets are in fact for dorks. However, the behavior of drivers on South Lamar that I see daily makes me say you’ve gotta buckle up that dome, hoss.