Washed Weekly: Being a Mavs Fan in 2025 & 5 Things We All Did This Week
Almost happy hour.
Welcome to Washed Weekly — a weekly newsletter that will feature original columns, quick reads, exclusive product drops, and an offering of some of the best content we’ve created throughout the week that was. Read it, enjoy it, and pass it on to anyone you think will enjoy it, too. You can also check out the Washed network of podcasts.
Five Things Everyone at Washed Media Did This Week
by
This past week, the richest cringiest human on the planet spearheaded an effort to collect information from federal employees regarding their productivity. Requesting a list with five bullet points from each employee, he would then determine whether or not they got to keep their jobs. A failure to respond meant a termination of your employment. Totally normal stuff.
This week at Washed Media, I decided to do the same. Here is my email:
Here are the results.
Producer Randy
Was told I hosted an all time gameshow, idk, kinda blacked out during it.
Called insurance twice making zero headway on the issue I'm dealing with.
Got my driver's license renewed.
Compared Hinge algorithms with Brett.
My normal day to day podcast production stuff, IDK.
Threatened seppuku when Brett told me he didn't want to go fly a kite with me on a windy day.
Annoyed Brett with constant questions about an upcoming event I was told not to ask questions about.
Annoyed Will question about this column (he didn't answer my question).
Got high and watched anime (at home).
Does Randy get to keep his job? In-office drug use mixed with non-official tasks affecting his productivity? Randy is officially on a two-week probationary period.
Dave
Noticed that our chip game was goated.
Made a gas station run for the office.
Lucy 3 mg Gum.
Bitched about parking lot.
Took the trash out and replaced with a new one.
Does Dave get to keep his job? Dave showed that he not only supports the squad as a whole, but he’s willing to up his productivity using outside energy/focus sources. He remains gainfully employed.
Brett
Note: Brett did not respond to the email on-time but was been granted an extension in light of recording The Mail-In.
I went (arguably) certified micro with a tweet about a bee/wasp.
I discovered and relayed a new flavor of Celsius™️ to the office. Retro Edition.
I went to get a beer with Sauce after work on Wednesday.
6 calls w/ potential partners including a period care company for which I/we know nothing about
I instructed Randy that he's not allowed to ask questions about an upcoming friends & family Washed event with Sap's rapid rehydration beverages.
Does Brett get to keep his job? Sure, but I’m still not retweeting the bee tweet for him.
Dillon
I made a joke on Monday's Circling Back that I thought was pretty funny, but others seemed to not enjoy it as much.
On 'Do You Know It, a Gameshow Podcast,' I tried my best and scored 7 points in the music round.
I have a tweet currently going viral that features an Alabama frat legend. Tweet found here for reference.
I biked into the office two different days, aligning with our company's green initiative.
I considered acquiring a bike helmet to use on such occasions, however I haven't yet done so.
Does Dillon get to keep his job? Botched jokes? Last places finishes? Not the best start. But following that up with a viral tweet and a reduction of his carbon footprint? Unfortunately, until Dillon acquires a helmet for his e-bike, he will be put on probation with Randy.
Oh, and me?
Crowd-sourced a column for Washed Weekly.
Shipped like 200 sweatshirts.
Got absolutely screwed over in this month’s edition of “Do You Know It?” hosted by Randy.
Finished a chapter of my book at a solo sit-down lunch on Monday without checking any social media or email.
Successfully tried to not watch the Manchester United second half during this week’s recording of Circling Back’s listener voicemails.
My Mavs Fandom In 2025
by Dave
I hope we go and win it all. Hey, why not? It would be so perfectly stupid. A Mavs title this year is highly unlikely, but after everything that’s gone down, maybe that’s where we’re headed (it’s not). It would easily be up there with other very silly championships including the Lakers bubble championship and the one that the Heat were gifted a couple decades ago. If it does happen, will I celebrate? Yes. Yes, I will. Even if it yields great results that I publicly celebrate, I will also openly despise what went down that Saturday night in January and the people who made it happen.
Much like I did when the Texas Rangers won the World Series a couple of years ago, I’ll tarp off my living room and pour domestic light beers all over myself while my family watches me sob uncontrollably. I will absolutely shed tears for the team because 1) Kyrie Irving is a top 15 DFW athlete of all time whether you like it or not, and 2) Dwight Powell feels like family at this point. And at the end of the day, if Patrick Dumont and Nico Harrison hoist that trophy, I will feel the same way about them as I do right now. Disgusted. They can never be proven right in my eyes. This grudge lives forever. There will be no tip-of-the-cap from me.
They could get completely healthy, get Dirk and Cuban back on board, stop committing critical public relations errors, and go back-to-back before all of AD’s core muscle fibers implode, and I will still be booing management loudly if I’m ever seated near them at Mi Cocina. It’s truly unforgivable.
The Mavs front office decided that the best option was to part ways with a generational talent who they scouted for years and drafted, mid-season with seemingly no plan on how to explain why, after building the best roster in Mavs history around him, who by the way just took a team with a rookie center and two brand new pieces to the NBA Finals, and then insult the man’s work ethic and character on his way out. That’s what happened. Three weeks later and the best dirt they could leak to make it look better was “he liked to drink beer and smoke hookah.” We’re going to need a little more than that, dude. Call me old fashioned, but it wouldn’t really bother me if he was teen wolfing Heineken Keg Cans at halftime and microdosing galaxy gas before shootaround. He’s Luka. Let him cook/drink/eat/smoke.
“Oh, but he wasn’t in good shape! His body doesn’t look like the Statue of David! He’s not serious!” There were real people who thought this. He is 25, and we deserved to see how it played out with him. We finally believed he’d be as special to us as Dirk is, but guess what? We’ll never know. Because, again, some guy had a beef, and that guy’s boss doesn’t know ball. May god have mercy on their souls.
If you’re a Mavs fan and you bailed after this, more power to you. I truly wish you well on whatever endeavor you choose to fill the random weeknights after football season. But that’s not my style. Do you really think I could just start following a new franchise? That was never on the table. I’m too old and too invested in the Mavs. Living in Austin, it’d be easy to become a Spurs fan. Wemby! That De-Aaron Fox trade? The future looks bright. When I went to Dirk’s final game down in SA, the fans surrounding me were shockingly nice. Good people, but I’m forty. I have no connection to any other town with a franchise. It would always feel fake.
The Mavs are my team. Being a Dallas guy, I’m no stranger to bad ownership, bad general management, or both. It’s just something you deal with. I was there for Mavs Man, Mavrello Ballavic, and the Mavs Maniacs. I watched Mark’s talk show in the Jack Daniels’ Club on more than one occasion. I’ve been through some dark times, man. This is unprecedented, but I can make it through.
Dillon’s Favorite Washed Episodes of February
Hand up, I had to scrap my column late yesterday after receiving an angry text from legal counsel (not true at all but it sounds dramatic), so in lieu of cobbling together something I probably wouldn’t be super proud of, I’m giving you my favorite episodes from this month.
Yes, this is a promotional play. We are still a small-to-midsize media company that would love to expand to new listeners, readers, and viewers.
If you like our podcasts, this newsletter, our social media properties, or anything else produced by Washed Media, there’s a good chance the people in your life would, too. Please pass them on and ask for a chance for us to earn their business.
1. Do You Know It? A Gameshow Podcast
Credit where credit is due; Randy was in his bag on Tuesday with an assist from 2.5 milligrams of THC coursing through his veins courtesy of our good friends at EarlyBird CBD.
This one is on Patreon so I can’t embed it here. It’s only a reasonably priced subscription away, though.
2. Mezcal Bone Marrow Luges & White Lotus
The morning after a night out with an open bar tab is always a recipe for a good episode. We talked about my mezcal bone luge and shared the latest on the parking lot battle with our new neighbors.
3. Existential Questions from The Burnerverse
The rundown for this episode was one of the easiest we’ve ever put together on account of all the shit there was going on that we had to discuss. The “Shrink the Game” segment had about six bullet points on its own. An Alabama frat legend was born.
4. Listener Voicemails, Episode 310: Yeet Days
This week’s voicemails included an update on Bachelor Party Snoring Guy, an update on The Guy Who Orders For His Lutes and general chivalry amongst your boys, frat house repairs and the most piece-of-shit things we did in college. Also available on Patreon.
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You gotta just park in those reserved spots playboy. Assert your dominance.
“Received an angry text from legal counsel.” Can only assume the original column was him dunking on the Mavs/Dave on the Luka debacle.