Mailbag: Single Dad Dating & the Fermi Paradox
How pompous of you to think it’s just us out here.
Welcome to Dillon Cheverere’s weekly Mailbag. Send questions to dillon@washedmedia.com. All topics are on the table. Read it, enjoy it, and pass it on to anyone you think will enjoy it, too. You can also check out the Washed network of podcasts.
Got a little one on the way, about 10 weeks now. I’m pumped to be a dad but you don’t always hear about the positive side of things, you just hear talk about how hard it is and expensive and that sort of stiff. I guess what I’m asking is what’s some advice/positives about being a first time dad? Seeing the Washed guys do stuff with their kids keeps me looking more forward to having a kid, especially you and Parks playing baseball or Dave and Rhodes doing a full outfit change at Buc-ee’s. Appreciate whatever you have to say about it. -Josh
I’ll get the corny one out of the way first.
It’s hard to see it now because, at 10 weeks, they’re still in the “just keep me alive” phase of their development. They’re just there, eating and sleeping and giving you the task of changing their diapers. The good stuff is coming, though.
The best part about being a parent is seeing a person that is half you and half the person you love grow and develop and have their own unique personality and fail and succeed and be funny and be sad and go through some real life shit and learn from it all, and you’re there with them through all of it.
It’s difficult and challenging but it’s also the greatest thing of all time.
What’s up Dorn. As a space and physics enthusiast myself -I gotta know- what are your general thoughts on the Fermi Paradox? -Gordo
Fermi Paradox: The Fermi paradox is the discrepancy between the lack of conclusive evidence of advanced extraterrestrial life and the apparently high likelihood of its existence.
Here’s where I land on this: Considering the vastness of the universe – all the hundreds of billions of galaxies that we know about, and all the planets in those galaxies, plus the many we don’t yet know about – why should we believe we’re so special that Earth, this one small planet in this single galaxy, is the only one with intelligent life on it?
At the very least, you have to consider the unlikelihood that Earth is so unique in this regard. Just from a pure numbers perspective. There are other planets with environments capable of sustaining life, right? Like this is the ooooonly planet that has an intelligent species on it? The ONLY one? Really?! Why, because we haven’t discovered others yet? Do you know how little of the universe we actually know about?
How pompous of you to think it’s just us out here.
The squad is always putting your cooking on blast. What’s a single father to a son, 7, got on rotation in the kitchen? -Patrick
I actually wrote about this very thing on March 9. I may turn it into a series as my skills in the kitchen develop and I learn new, good, easy dishes to cook for single dads (or relative novices in general).
Whats up Dorn,
I recently left my dream career (Brewer) because I had issues with management and ownership. Left the field and took a cush desk job. I miss it desperately. A new brewpub is opening by my house and I have been doing some side consulting for them. The owner has already offered me a full time gig. But I have only been in my current role for 4 months. It would be a paycut back to the brewer salary, which is manageable for my family budget. Am I an asshole if I jump ship back to the beer industry? Is this too big a gamble to get into the small business world in this economy? All I am risking is short term job security, I would have no money tied up in the place.
As a small business owner yourself I am sure you have some insight. Lemme know.
Cheers. -Backer Ryan
In my opinion, this decision should come down to whether the extra money you’re bringing in is worth sticking with a career that you don’t enjoy as much as brewing. How much do you value a more fulfilling job over that extra cash?
This decision should absolutely not be based on feeling like an asshole for jumping ship after four months at your desk job. When it’s about your career, be selfish and prioritize yourself over how your superiors may or may not feel about you a million times out of a million, because that really doesn’t matter at the end of the day. I promise you they don’t care enough about you to be as considerate as you’re being.
“Is this too big a gamble to get into the small business world in this economy?”
I don’t know enough about that industry or the business at which you’d be working to answer this question. It sounds like a fairly short and safe leap of faith, though.
What’s the frattiest relic from your college years that you still own clothes wise?
You know, I didn’t hang onto a single thing from those days. Not a t-shirt, not a hat, not a koozie, not a paddle. Nothing. I should have kept something, huh? I think the last thing I remember hanging onto was a Chi Omega t-shirt that I don’t even remember how I acquired in the first place, but the last time I cleaned out my closet it made its way to the donation pile.
Sad.
Hey dilly dog,
Feel free to skip this question if you don't want to touch on it but I am recently-ish (August 2022) divorced and I wanted to get some advice on approaching dating. I feel like the dating pool is significantly whittled down because women don't want to date someone who a) already has children (I have 2 little girls), or b) someone who was already married. Even when I have dates they are almost always lasting a couple dates and eventually they are like "Oh we are just in different places in our life so I don't think this will work"
Second thing, my ex-wife immediately started dating someone after our divorce was finalized and it's hard for me not to be jealous that she has already found someone (especially since she left me. Nothing bad, she just no longer wanted to be married) I don't know if you went through anything similar but I sometimes find it difficult to stomach. -Anonymous
It seems like you aren’t being upfront about the fact that you’re a divorced dad. Otherwise, why would these women go out with you to begin with? You should be upfront.
Years ago, after my divorce, I had a Bumble profile. There was no evidence of my son anywhere on it, nor was there a mention of my divorce (that would be weird). Anyway, I went on a couple dates with someone and THEN I told her that I had a son. She said that’s something she would have liked to be made aware of before agreeing to go on a date with me. It was a fair thing to say.
From that point forward, I have always been forthcoming with this information.
Think of it like this: Telling everyone upfront that you have two little girls is not going to “whittle down” your dating pool. Instead, it’s going to lead you to the right dating pool. Your two little girls are not a detriment to the right person. To the right person, your two little girls are a bonus. Be proud of them. Let them all see that. They’re a part of you. A package deal. Sell the whole package.
Oh, and in my experience, the divorce thing won’t hold you back. My therapist backs me up on this. Having been married shows that you aren’t afraid of commitment. That’s attractive.
Lastly, I know it’s tough seeing her date someone so soon after your split. There’s nothing really to share here that will help other than to let time pass. That wound will start to heal eventually. Look after yourself, stay busy, and live your life. You’ll be fine.