When I first began thinking about stepping back from Circling Back, I knew it was probably going to be one of the most difficult decisions I’ve ever made. The decision to move to Austin in 2015 was easier. Dave offered me a job out of the blue and I immediately accepted without asking any details. I wanted a new chapter in my life — one where I wasn’t living with my parents, one where I wasn’t broke, and one that could help me actually establish a career in a field that excited me. While I had some hesitations about moving so far from my family, I knew I had to jump at the life-changing opportunity.
The decision to leave Circling Back was much more difficult. Something I thought through at painstaking lengths. Dillon and Dave have been the most present people in my life for the last decade. They are my friends, coworkers, and confidants. We’ve been through it all together from hirings to firings, bar tabs to babies, Touching Base to Circling Back. My relationships with them is more important than anything we could ever do as a media company. I was hesitant about making such a huge change in my life (and in our company) but their support of my decision was exactly how it’s always been: unyielding and that of brothers.
We’ve had the absolute pleasure of always bringing the audience along for the ride which only made this decision feel even heavier. While I was apprehensive about telling Dave and Dillon, I was absolutely dreading telling our listeners and supporters of nearly a decade. The decision to leave the show wasn’t easy, which is blatantly evident by now. I love being in the studio with Dave and Dillon. I love the audience interaction. I don’t want to let any of these people down, and for months, it’s been hard to shake that concern. When something is such a part of people’s daily lives and routines, making any shift or change to that is going to be jarring no matter the circumstances.
My biggest regret during this process was not preparing an explanation ahead of the announcement on the podcast. Sally asked me last week what I was planning on saying and I told her I didn’t want to talk about it, or even think about it. Truthfully, I think I was suppressing a lot of the emotions that I was having in the days and weeks leading up to it. I was worried that I’d say the wrong thing or overshare, that it would get twisted, and suddenly I’d be riddled with regret. I’m very appreciative of Dillon and his explanation of what the future will look like for Washed on a larger scale.
Over the last five days, I’ve gotten many messages of support from listeners. A lot of these messages have had a common theme: “I’m so excited for what’s next.” Truthfully, I’ve needed that encouragement because this decision was obviously something that I’ve been conflicted over. Thank you so much to everyone who reached out, and thank you to everyone who has supported us over the years and will continue to support us in the future. Without our die-hard audience, we wouldn’t be getting to do these things together ten years in.
In 2013, I started Sunday Scaries as a creative outlet. Even while working at Grandex, pursuing Sunday Scaries as a creative endeavor was burning inside me. At the first opportunity I saw, I begged them to let me start doing The Sunday Scaries Podcast. I was teasing out Panic Rooms on Twitter, posting photos here and there on Instagram, and constantly wondering if I had abandoned it too quickly. Now, 12 years later, I still get the same excitement as when I first started working on it. Which is why I’ve poured so much of my work life and extra time into Scaries since we started Washed in 2019.
The way Sunday Scaries has scaled over the last few years has been a whirlwind, both good and bad. I’ve had the opportunity to work with brands that never would have sniffed my job applications in my twenties. I can try things creatively with a large audience, and I don’t have to answer to anyone but myself with that creative freedom. However, in the past couple years, balancing all of the Sunday Scaries responsibilities with recording responsibilities became taxing on my mental health. My anxiety was going through the roof, I was having sporadic panic attacks that I had never experienced before, and I constantly felt like I was burning the candle at both ends in my work and personal life. I don’t say this for anyone to feel bad for me — I’m in such a better spot today — but more to give some clarity around why I knew I had to make a shift professionally. My mind was craving more autonomy and I finally had to listen.
The reasons I have for wanting to pursue Sunday Scaries are fairly straight-forward: there’s been great momentum for the brand, I have much larger ambitions for it that I’ve had on the back burner for years, and it still creatively fulfills me like it did when I set up the Squarespace site in 2013. As cheesy as it sounds, I do feel like seeing it through is part of a larger calling for myself.
The added benefits to my personal life and work-life balance are worth noting because they played a significant role in this decision. I will have more control over my work schedule to be flexible at home. It will hopefully allow me to spend more time in Michigan with my parents (something I’ve been trying to sort out for years) without affecting other people’s work schedules. And deep down? Well, I’m hoping I can find further fulfillment in actually accomplishing some goals that I’ve only dreamt about until now.
Moving forward, my work responsibilities will be changing. I’m going to be writing more and I’m going to be picking up projects that have existed only in my mind for the last couple years. This means more zines, more photography, and more merchandise, hopefully more everything. I’d like to take a bird’s eye view of what we’re creatively doing at Washed and try to set us up for the future. I want to do a bunch of things that I haven’t even thought of yet.
What’s next for all of us in 2025? Well, in true Washed Media fashion, it hard to say. But I’m excited nonetheless.
I know that there are a lot of questions that haven’t necessarily been answered. If you have a question, drop it below and I’ll do my best to give some clarity surrounding things you’re curious about. We’ve always prided ourselves on being transparent with our audience, so let me make good on that after the last few days of taking a step back.
No extra question, just wanted to be another supporter! Bummed to hear you'll be stepping back from CB, but if it's what's right for you and your family, nothing else matters. We'll all be watching and excited to see the next chapters!
Good luck with your gorals!