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I’m Having Major Fears Another White Boy Summer is Upon Us
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When Chet Hanks declared the summer of 2021 to be “White Boy Summer,” I had my hesitancies. First and foremost, I’ve always been of the thinking that we shouldn’t determine an official race and gender for any seasons. Furthermore, if anyone is going to do that, I certainly don’t think Chet would be voted into that position of power. And ultimately, I think we can all agree that Meghan Thee Stallion’s “Hot Girl Summer” is more fun for everyone involved.
Unfortunately for all of us, his theory somewhat panned out. And as we begin to ease into late spring, I have major fears that another wave is upon us.
Here are some early indicators as to why.
The Phish and Dead & Company shows at The Sphere are essentially ground zero through July.
If Chet Hanks taught us anything, it’s not how you finish White Boy Summer. It’s how you start it. And with Phish kicking off the non-U2 Sphere run this weekend, I have major fears that the white boys in Las Vegas will be harnessing too much energy going into the dog days of summer as the Dead shows wind down.
While it’s entirely possible this is a CIA initiative to distract all the wooks from the current political landscape, I fear both bands are so in the mainstream currently that Miller Lites will now outweigh peanut butter sandwiches with shrooms in them. Beware.
The bruvvy English lads have reassembled.
Unfortunately, this is when I knew we were in real trouble.
I still don’t know who these gents are, but at this point, I don’t think it truly matters. While they look like the back four of Manchester United, I’ll just assume these are somewhat-famous blokes from Essex or Brofordshire or something (who would probably be better than the current back four of Manchester United).
Can’t even imagine how psyched these lads are about the BTC spike.
I mean, it’s an election year.
If there’s ever a time for white boys to inappropriately pop off and be the most annoying species on earth, it’s during an election year in the United States of America. Now’s not the time, guys. Leave the tiki torches in the garden, don’t fall off any bikes on vacation, and just keep a low profile. Everyone else will appreciate the effort.
Abercrombie & Fitch is popular again.
Were LFO (which many know stands for Lyte Funky Ones) the original proprietors of White Girl Summer with their seminal hit, “Summer Girls,” which strongly featured Abercrombie & Fitch? Perhaps. You have to think there could be some overflow there now that both Gen-Z and millennials alike are flocking to A&F stores. Could “Summer Girls” rise the charts with some tactical tinkering from the Abercrombie social team? That’s for them to decide.
Editor’s Note: Rest in peace, Rich. The summer of 1999 was life-changing.
Taylor Swift will be in Europe the entire time.
Taylor Swift performs in Paris on May 9th and her final European show will be in Vienna in August. Her track record shows that she loves holding white boys accountable, and I fear what could happen while she’s not stateside empowering everyone through Eras Tour shows.
Please announce a “Cowboy Carter” tour, Beyonce. Please, I’m begging you.
Zuck has gone full-Chet. You never go full-Chet.
The scruff. The hair. The chain. The clearly oversized tee. You could could honestly tell me the above photo is actually Chet Hanks and I’d believe you.
He controls our data, he controls our likes, he controls our lives. And unfortunately, he may control our summer. White Boy or not.
We’re doomed.
Summer Time Chicago
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Rewinding it back to the fall of 2017, the boys set our sights on Chicago for the inaugural Douchebag Bar Crawl as members of the now defunct Touching Base podcast. The idea was simple: We’d invite our listeners to bar hop with us in Chicago. So we did, and they did. It was a momentous weekend for a few reasons.
Reason one: After a brief stop at a couple Wrigleyville watering holes, we caught one of the last regular season home games at Wrigley that season, a bucket list item for me. The weather was perfect, Kyle Schwarber hit a ball that hasn’t landed yet, and the Cubbies whizzed on the Reds, 9-0. It was my favorite place I’ve ever watched a baseball game.
Reason two: The people of Chicago showed up for us in a big way. We had no idea what to expect when we showed up for the first leg of the DBBC. The bar was Old Crow Smokehouse. We arrived hoping to meet a handful of listeners to have a good time, take a few pics, kiss a few babies, and be done with it.
We were overwhelmed by the number of people we met that night (including Randy, who would later become our producer and video guy). By the third stop, there was a mass of people flooding the streets and following us around.
Reason 3: Seeing the turnout in Chicago was the moment we knew we had something.
So, now, we’re going back, thanks to our friends at Mugsy.
When: June 28 & 29
Where: Chicago, IL
Friday, June 28 @ 6pm: Happy Hour at the Mugsy store - 951 W Armitage Ave
Saturday, June 29 @ 5pm: Meet-up at Slugger’s
The 2024 version is going to look a little different than the 2017 DBBC. To start, we’re not doing a bar crawl this time around. Even seven years ago, we were too old and washed to hit all the spots on our list.
Behold the 2017 Douchebag Bar Crawl, Chicago, IL:
Man, what a throwback. Honestly, eight stops was way too ambitious to begin with. Even four would have been a handful, and it was. I don’t know what we were thinking or who we thought we were. Or how old we were, for that matter.
By the time we tried to hit Happy Camper Pizza for a beer and some late night ‘za, the group had whittled down from well over 100 to about six. We called it a night at that point. Sidenote: Benchmark was a SCENE.
We’re only hitting one spot this time (tentatively): Slugger’s. After fielding numerous suggestions that included bars in downtown, Old Town, Uptown, Wicker Park, Lincoln Park, West Loop, etc., we settled on Wrigleyville. It’s close to where we’re staying, and if the good times bleed out into the streets, there are other bars nearby we can dip into and keep it going.
We very much look forward to seeing you all there. If you’re flying in, make sure to arrive early enough on Friday to meet us at the Mugsy store for a drink and some denim. Should be fun.
What I’m Cooking, Drinking, And Watching This Weekend
by Dave
What I’m Cooking
I’ve been really digging the Whole Foods hot bar lately. Yes, not only did my town get a Whole Foods, which instantly validated us a town that cares about stuff, but it’s within a reasonable distance from my home. It’s pretty cool if you need some aluminum free deodorant, grain free chips, or a quick lunch option that will make you feel good about yourself. The carnitas are not bad at all. In fact, they’re good enough that they’ve inspired me to dust off one of the best recommendations I’ve received:
No-Waste Tacos de Carnitas With Salsa Verde
Sneaky shoutout to my old neighbor Nick for the rec.
I fear that I cannot properly describe how hard these go. The recipe itself is fairly intensive, but with the forecast in Central Texas looking mega damp this weekend, it’s a great way to kill a couple hours in the kitchen. Preparation pairs extremely well an American-style lager. The flavor is killer, but I love how versatile carnitas are. Unless you’re feeding four grown and gluttonous adults, you will have leftovers that can easily be turned into bowls, burritos, sandwiches, or tossed in with some eggs in the morning. It’s a protein play.
What I’m Drinking
When’s the last time you sat down and had a mimosa? If you’re under 35, probably a week ago. If you’re staring down 40 like me, it’s probably been a few months. I haven’t been invited to a brunch in 2024. Do I need new friends? I’ll be putting them back Saturday morning, though. Shoutout to Fritz and his upcoming 4/20 birthday featuring the lethal combination of breakfast tacos AND mimosas. Toss in a coffee, brewed cold, for the ride, and I’m riding a tasty wave Saturday afternoon.
*Extreme single twenty-something in 2020 guy voice* let’s gooo
What I’m Watching
I had every intention of just typing Shogun and slamming my laptop shut, but I just learned that the finale airs on Tuesday. I’m all caught up, as I’m a natural binge boy, but my wife has a few episodes to burn through before then. I’ll very likely conduct a partial rewatch with her. It’s just a great show. I’ll be as vague as possible so as not to spoil anything, but I have to say: there are a few fellas in Osaka that I’d like to give half my mind to. Someone’s got some serious explaining to do.
Bluey?
Per online discourse, it sure seems like now would be an excellent time for my son to get back into Bluey. He hasn’t seen me shed real tears since The World Series (He was at school when I got home from my vasectomy). Now, he still plays with the Bluey toys, and he still sleeps in the Bluey pajamas. He even has a Bluey phone that he uses to call random family members long distance. But currently, there’s not enough chocolate in the world to convince him to watch the new episode. There’s a decent chance I will watch it alone. With my dog. I already know what happens. It’s sad. Fuck.
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Loving A&F lately not loving the prices but hey it's a step up from the crap we wore from them when were kids