Welcome to Dillon Cheverere’s weekly Mailbag. Send questions to dillon@washedmedia.com. All topics are on the table. Read it, enjoy it, and pass it on to anyone you think will enjoy it, too. You can also check out the Washed network of podcasts.
Hi Dillon, a philosophical question for you. I (29F) once went on a FIRST date with a man, on a day that just so happened to be his birthday (41st). Who do you think should pay in this situation? - Taylor
Okay so this exact situation happened to me late last year. I asked someone on a first date and we went out for a few drinks. On the date, she revealed to me that it was her birthday. She told me she doesn’t make a big deal out of her birthdays but I still felt special that she’d be willing to spend one with me.
I was going to pay anyway so I didn’t face your same dilemma. You didn’t specify but I’m assuming he’s the one who asked you out, and probably even planned the date, meaning he was willing to spend his birthday with you.
If you were the one who asked him out knowing it was his birthday, I think offering to pay would be appropriate in that situation. No, though, I don’t think you pay for dinner/drinks even though it was his birthday..
FMK: coke addict dorn, sorority dorn, glizzadente dorn. - Mickey
Truth be told, there’s only one of these bits I actually don’t care for, and it’s the sorority girls bit. It’s just not a good look if listeners actually think I have a thing for college girls, you know? Especially at 40 years old.
People I know listen to my podcast, too – family, friends, romantic interests. I’m sure they realize these are just jokes, but I’d also prefer not to have to explain to them that they’re not only jokes, but also they have zero basis in reality.
The coke thing I think is kind of funny, honestly. They make jokes about my constant cocaine usage even though, in reality, I’ve never tried coke in my life.
The El Glizz thing is just annoying more than anything at this point. I get it from Will and Dave, but also people are always sending me hot dog memes and shit on Twitter. It’s constant. The boys have fun with it, though, and for that reason I don’t shut it down. A minor annoyance on my behalf is worth their fun, I suppose.
F: Coke addict Dorn
M: Glizzadente Dorn
K: Sorority Dorn
Hi Dillon,
I have been divorced for just about 3 years and I’ve dabbled in dating apps twice in the last year and quit after a few days — they’re not for me. What do you think are the best other ways to meet people when you’re in your early 40’s? -Stephanie
I’ve been a fan of the dating apps because they’re such an efficient way of vetting people. You meet an attractive person in the wild, you hit off (rare, btw), and then you start the very slow process of learning about them. Maybe they’re a great match, but chances are they’re not, and it takes you a couple hangouts to figure it out. Then you’re back at square one with zero prospects.
On Hinge, you start off with a pretty solid foundation of what they’re about before initiating contact. You can see their interests, get a snapshot of what their friend groups are about, what they like to do for fun, get the deal breakers (if you have any - politics, religion, smoker, non alcohol drinker) out of the way, and learn a little about their personalities. And in our 40s, we’re ready to figure out if romantic interests have staying power, aren’t we?
It’s virtual speed dating, but instead of letting a person know you’re not interested, you simply keep scrolling. There are a lot of frustrations with the dating apps, I understand – communication tends to fizzle or flat-out come to a halt, people often don’t look the same in real life, etc. It’s a numbers game, though. Out of all those potential partners, only one has to hit.
I know I haven’t answered your question yet but maybe I’m encouraging you to give the apps another try. Outside the apps, try these:
Take your dog to a dog park
Hit some after-work happy hours with coworkers
Join a gym (to meet people, not to look better)
Generally get out of the house and go do things socially
I've never consumed a Celsius beverage. I'm pretty habitual, 2 cups of coffee in the morning 2 in the afternoon. I've never felt the need to drink energy drinks.
Is Celsius that good? Am I missing out? Is there a flavor that hits? -Tanner
I’m not gonna tell you that Celsiuses are the end-all, be-all of energy drinks, but I will tell you they’re pretty damn good and they get the job done. Zero sugar, too (the silent killer). They’re my favorite energy drink on the market and probably that I’ve ever tried. Cracking a Celsy when that afternoon slump hits is just the best.
They’re always releasing wild ass flavors, too, so it’s fun when you find a new one. I don’t know, man. They’re fun and they’re good. Don’t overthink this and just try one.
What are your tips for maximizing the dating apps? And recommendations for the best time to move off-app? I’m back on the apps after a relationship ended that I thought was my forever, and feel like I’m having worse luck than ever. I’m just a girl, standing in front of a dating app, wishing I wouldn’t get d pics from dudes within the first two hours of texting them off-app. -Alyssa
The unsolicited D pic thing has always been bizarre to me, yet you hear so many stories of guys doing this. Has it ever worked? Such sketchy behavior.
I have no idea how to maximize the apps. Do you pay for premium access? I know that puts your profile in front of more people. I have a few tips for your profile, however:
Use current pics and don’t over-filter them. You should look like you do in your pics when you meet in real life.
This one is going to sound really shallow but it’s so true and I’m brave enough to say it: If you’re posting a group pic with friends, be the most attractive one in the pic. If your first pic is a group pic, a guy’s eyes will subconsciously gravitate to the most attractive one and hope it’s you. If he learns that it’s not after looking at your other pics, he’ll probably keep scrolling.
Showcase some personality. The seemingly charismatic ones stand out.
The best time to get off the apps is when you meet someone that you like enough that you don’t want attention from anyone else.